


A Not-so-ordinary life with Hannibal Lecter

by HeadFullOfAliens



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Fluff and Crack, Hannibal forgets anatomy, Hannibal is Hannibal, Hannibal tries to be normal, Language, M/M, Murder Husbands, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, will is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 08:06:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7352833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeadFullOfAliens/pseuds/HeadFullOfAliens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hannibal tries to annoy Will but gets lost in the act, so Will decides to take advantage and mock him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Or, one where Hannibal forgets basic anatomy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Not-so-ordinary life with Hannibal Lecter

**Author's Note:**

> Hello.  
> This is my first upload here.
> 
> A boy said his boyfriend got scared when he suggested to him that he was pregnant (he was trying to get his attention because his boyfriend was looking at his phone during a movie), and I thought it would be funny to have these two in a situation like that. I just really like imagining Hannibal being dumbstruck and doing ordinary things.
> 
> This is crack, pure crack, and nothing but crack. 
> 
> No beta reader. Any mistakes are mine. I apologize in advance for every possible grammar mistake; english isn't my first language. Do let me know if there's something off.
> 
> Enjoy!

Getting to see Hannibal trying to act like a regular person was… unexpected.

 

Will was able to imagine himself killing a thousand human beings if he wanted to. He could probably imagine himself flying in a goddamn unicorn if he damn well pleased. He had quite the imagination, after all; but this…

 

It was too much for him.

 

 

 

 

 

Overall, he never imagined Hannibal to be so normal, perhaps. He knew the man had the habit of reading the news in a tablet, but seeing him smile at his phone for the first time was quite the experience. When questioned about it, Hannibal said he found a picture he had taken of Will with his phone that he thought was amusing. He even showed it to Will; a picture of him making a strange face. Will didn’t even remember seeing Hannibal point a phone at him.

 

Five minutes later, Will’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Hannibal’s smile brightened as the younger man unlocked his phone to see a text from the former psychiatrist.

 

“Did you really just…?” Will looked at Hannibal with a puzzled look, then back at the phone with the text with the heart emoji, then back at Hannibal.

 

“Yes”

 

He felt like throwing up.

 

 

 

 

 

Sadly –or gladly—, that was not the last time he would see the strange-yet-funny interactions Hannibal had with the regular world. Next week, he had the privilege of watching Hannibal drunk. Could Hannibal even get _drunk_?

 

That night, Hannibal attempted to impress Will by throwing a knife to an apple besides Will’s hand in the counter. Will didn’t talk to him for the rest of the week.

 

 

 

 

 

And it only got worse from there. Watching Hannibal deal with the everyday life was an unsettling experience. He was a bit more used to the murderous man, always plotting clever plans to deceive. Watching him struggle with a sweater wasn’t how Will was expecting his life with him to be.

 

Not that he was complaining; after all, the man was still interesting and it’s not like he stopped… being Hannibal. It’s just that Will had a hard time accepting that Hannibal was just a man.

 

A clever, twisted man. But a man after all.

 

 

 

 

 

And he was barely getting used to the thought when goddamn Hannibal had to be Hannibal and break his little sense of conformity.

 

That particular evening, Will was sitting by the balcony in their house, watching the skies of whatever city they were in. He was calmly drinking two fingers of some fancy scotch Lecter had bought, when the man himself tapped his shoulder. Will almost jumped.

 

“Will”

 

“You scared me”

 

“I apologize” the look in his eyes told Will that he didn’t mean it. He looked amused by Will’s reaction. “Do you like movies, Will?”

 

The question took Will by surprise. He sat silent for a bit, and when he was finally able to reply, all he said was “ _Movies_?”

 

“Yes, movies. They’re—“

 

“I know what they are, Hannibal” Will shook his head, almost wanting to roll his eyes. He refrained.

 

“Would you like to go watch one?”

 

 

 

A simple question. A single question. Will knew it wasn’t a good idea. After all, Hannibal had other intentions with it, didn’t he? He always had.

 

So Will knew what he had to reply. It was reasonable, to reply with what he had in mind. It was the right thing to do, as it were.

 

Why was he sitting besides Hannibal in a cinema, then?

 

It wasn’t the worst part, though. Oh, no, it wasn’t. Will thought that, at least, Hannibal would take him to some fancy place Will had never thought about, to watch a strange foreing movie with a deep message about life. Yet, they were sitting in, possibly, the cheapest place they could have been to, watching some romantic comedy, with a bucket of popcorn and in the middle of the most regular people Will had seen in years.

 

Hannibal was still wearing a fancy suit.

 

Not only that; he wasn’t even pretending to watch the movie. He was looking at his phone, reading something.

 

“Hannibal” Will whispered. He understood the man was probably never in this sort of place before, but he had to know that it was rude to do what he was doing. “Hannibal, we’re at a cinema”

 

Hannibal didn’t even look at him.

 

“ _Hannibal_!” Will screamed/whispered. “Turn that off”

 

No response.

 

“Hannibal” nothing. “Hannibal, look at me. Hannibal!” Will was starting to lose his cool. “Can I kiss you, Hannibal?” he tried something else. “Would it annoy you, if I kissed you in front of all these people?” Lecter didn’t even blink. The only response he got was Hannibal still scrolling through whatever he was looking at. “There is a very rude man in this room –besides yourself— , Hannibal. So what’s for dinner?” Not even teasing him seemed to work.

 

Defeated, Will looked back at the movie in front of him, watching some couple kiss. He wasn’t really watching the movie, for the next 5 minutes when he tried to; he was eyeing Hannibal carefully, trying to see if the man had finally looked away from his damn phone.

 

He never did.

 

Will poked his arm. Hannibal didn’t even flinch.

 

Will closed his eyes, tried to imagine himself in Lecter’s situation. He opened his eyes, saw his phone in his hand. He was reading about the most recent admirer of the Murder Husbands. He felt a finger poke his arm, and he decided he would ignore it.

 

But why? Why would he do that? What was he trying to accomplish?

 

Closing his eyes again and shaking his head, Will concluded Hannibal was trying to annoy him. Probably as a payback for not paying attention to him in the past week. But it wasn’t his goddamn fault! Hannibal threw a fucking _knife_ at him _again_ , the son of a bitch. What else did he expect out of it?

 

So Will decided to do something about it.

 

He took Lecter’s hand with his own and played around with the fingers a bit. He thought about what he could do. Perhaps, Hannibal would finally stop ignoring him if he placed his hand in his…

 

Will settled for placing his hand over his belly and whispering to his ear. “Do you feel that, Hanni?” he cringed at the nickname, but tried to pull himself together. “It’s your son; he’s kicking inside me. Can you feel it?”

 

He watched full with pride as Hannibal stopped scrolling, looked up at him slowly, his mouth slightly open. He wasn’t sure what was funnier; the look of utter terror in Lecter’s face, or the way his fingers tried to search for the baby’s kicking.

 

Was he drunk again?

 

Will tried to stop the smile on his face, but only managed to do so for about half a second. He broke laughing almost immediately, pointing at Hannibal’s expression while he cried out of laughter. Hannibal slowly realized what was happening, which only made Will laugh harder.

 

“Oh my god, you actually thought I was pregnant! I can’t believe it!” he wouldn’t stop laughing, and Hannibal was starting to look annoyed. Will couldn’t care less.

 

 

 

 

They ended up getting kicked out of the cinema, because apparently they had many complaints about their behaviour through the fifteen minutes they were in there. They shrugged it off and went back home, Hannibal still annoyed while Will still poked him about it.

 

As soon as they arrived, Hannibal sat heavily on the couch. Will stood in front of him.

 

“You actually thought I was—“

 

“That was rude, Will. We got kicked out because of you”

 

“You were on your phone the whole time! _That_ was rude!”

 

“I was merely trying to get information on—“

 

“No, no, no; you were trying to annoy me. That was what you were trying”

 

Hannibal seemed even more annoyed after the accusation. Will smiled to himself; that meant he was right. “Well, it is clear that you can’t get pregnant. Despite what you might think right now, I am well aware of that” Hannibal said as he stood up, walking towards Will. Will chuckled. "It doesn't mean we should stop trying”

 

Trying to protest didn’t stop Hannibal from picking up Will and taking him upstairs.

 

 

 

 

 

“I must admit I was trying to annoy you”

 

Will woke up to the confession, smiling softly at the memory.

 

“Although that might not be the correct way to put it. I was merely curious about what you would do if you saw me behaving as I usually wouldn’t”

 

“As always” Will replied, rubbing his eyes with his hands, trying to focus his look in Hannibal afterwards.

 

“As always” Hannibal nodded. “I got lost in it, though”

 

“Sorry, what?”

 

Will could hear Lecter rolling his eyes at him.

 

“I got distracted. I forgot about what I was supposed to be doing when you put my hand in your belly”

 

“What got you so distracted that you forgot men can’t get pregnant?” Will was finally able to look at his husband, who was trying to look all serious while wearing a ridiculous red sweater with a pattern Will couldn’t quite figure out. It looked like reindeers with inverted colors.

 

“I was reading about what we could do for Christmas”

 

“It’s July!” he sighed. “And your sweater is upside down”

 

Hannibal looked like he wanted to cry out of frustration. Will smiled at him.

 

 


End file.
